Broken Walls
by computerhog654
Summary: Chikane wants Himeko to have happiness, even if it's not with her.


**Broken Walls**

**AN: I originally wrote this for a friend, but I figured I liked it enough to post it. Plus I think people are starting to think I'm dead ^-^**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Kannazuki No Miko.  
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We were best friends, always were since that time I transferred to Ototachibana Academy and stood up for her when I saw her being picked on. I couldn't just stand there and let someone be bullied, and I was glad that I intervened. Someone like her didn't deserve that treatment, and the way that she smiled afterwords, without anger or malice only proved it. That had happened two years ago. And it had only been one since I realized my feeling for her were more than mere friendship.

"Come on Chikane-chan," Himeko called, running ahead towards the stairs that lead to the school.

I gave her a small smile, walking towards her with the grace that was expected of me. One year that I realized, and one year of yearning.

000

The bell rang loudly, signally the end of classes for the day.

"Hey Himemiya-san, can we talk?" Souma Oogami asked with a slight blush as I packed my belongings.

"Of course," a sinking feeling erupted in my stomach, I knew what he wanted, although a part of me hoped I was wrong.

Leaving the classroom we made our way to a deserted part of the hall.

"So what would you like to speak about?" I asked him with my back turned.

"Ah, well, you're best friends with Kurusugawa-san right?" I could hear the nervousness laced in his question.

I didn't care how he felt, the chill that traveled down my spine was the only thing I could really take notice of. Life was unfair, he was going to wonder if I could asked out Himeko for him, my beautiful best friend that he didn't deserve. Even I didn't deserve her, but he deserved her more than I did. He could love her with no problem, no one would really care after a few days of gossiping. But if it were me, things would change, Himeko would be hurt by my love for her.

"I was wondering if you could give her this for me," he continued on, the sound of paper being pulled out from his pocket.

Oogami was a decent person, I knew that, my bitter feelings just overshadowed that fact. This wasn't about me though, this was about Himeko and preserving her smile. Putting on a neutral face I turned around and accepted the paper he presented.

"I'll be sure to give it to her," my voice sounded emotionless even to me. Hiding the inner turmoil that I was feeling inside.

"Thanks...well I'll see you around," he gave a small smile and walked away.

My gaze was drawn to the piece of paper in my hand, it was so fragile, I could rip it so easily. But that would be selfish of me wouldn't it? I would break Oogami's heart and take away Himeko's possible happiness. Even so, why did my hand ache to rip this fragile piece into unrecognizable pieces.

The hand that landed on my shoulder pulled my from my inner thoughts. Looking up I looked into familiar worried amethyst eyes.

"What's wrong?" Himeko asked, the girl who held my heart, the sun to my otherwise dark life, truly why was life to unfair? Her gaze traveled to the paper in my hand. "Did something happen?" I couldn't think of myself, this blond angel deserved better than a selfish friend like me.

"Oogami-san asked me to give you this," I outstretched the folded up paper to her. She looked down in confusion. Please don't take it, please just tell me to throw it away, please tell me you love me instead. I knew I was fooling myself, she would read it, accept his feelings and they would be together till they died.

Her beautiful eyes traveled back up to meet mine, one day it would be the last time I would see those eyes.

"That doesn't matter," she said shaking her head.

My heart jumped in my chest, and I foolishly let hope bloom in my chest. Maybe she didn't care about him like I had thought. Maybe we could be with each other a little bit longer. I knew one day she would fall in love with someone, that day would be the day I had to let her go. I wouldn't fool myself, I would only ruin her relationship with my petty ways. But until that day came I was content with just being by her side.

"What's the matter?" Concern lacing her voice.

Against my will, my heart flowed with warmth, her care meaning more to me then anyone could imagine. Her concern was a sign that she cared, and although I hated her to worry about me, it was still something I cherished.

"It's nothing," a smiled tugged at my lips, she knew I was lying, but she would let it go because she knew I wanted her to. "We should get going," I told her beginning to walk, the paper crushing flawlessly in my hand, leaving me more time.

000

"So what do you think Chikane-chan!?" Himeko asked, her excitement overflowing. Just knowing she was happy put a smile on my face.

"I think that's wonderful," I said earnestly. She had been telling me about the contest that she had won. She was going to meet her favorite mangaka, and they would fly her out to meet her. Or at least they would have had, if the mangaka hadn't lived in Mahoroba already. I was eternally grateful, my heart couldn't take the pain of her leaving, even for a few days.

Himeko stopped suddenly, grabbing my hand, halting me as well. I looked back in confusion and froze when I saw the determination in her eyes. "Chikane-chan have you been hiding something from me?"

Her voice was gentle, but my heart slamming into my chest wasn't. Why all of a sudden? Had I been letting my feelings show? I thought I had enough practice that she didn't notice.

Keeping my voice calm I asked, "What makes you think so?"

Sadness filled her amethyst pools, my heart clenching in response, someone like her shouldn't have sadness in her life. She looked down, her bangs hiding her eyes from me.

"You've been sadder lately. More than before. I didn't push you because I knew you didn't want to talk about it. But I can't stand to see you in pain. We're friends aren't we, we're supposed to be able to talk about anything. I don't understand why you can't trust me," her voice cracked and I didn't have to see her eyes to know that they were filling with tears.

"Himeko..." You don't know how much I wish I could tell you. But I would make your life hard, and you couldn't love someone like me. "I'm sorry," I looked away, seeing her weakened my resolve, she couldn't know, I wouldn't let her.

The sniffling behind me made my heart scream with pain, I was causing her sadness, and it showed how much I wasn't right for her.

"Come on, we're going to be late," I told her, keeping my voice neutral. I began to walk but Himeko's hand gripped my tighter as she kept her ground.

"No," she whispered.

My throat became dry, my heart pounding as Himeko's hand warmed my own rapidly moistening one. I couldn't turn around, I would break if I did.

"I'm not going to let go till you tell me why you're so sad," her voice growing in strength.

I closed my eyes tight, heart and mind at war. "Don't make me Himeko," I pleaded, something that was rare at it's own. The hand gripping my own loosened and I felt like things were going to go back to normal, with my unrequited love. Unexpectedly arms wrapped around me, I tried to ignore soft globes and warmth that molded onto my back.

"I'm not going to force you, but I hate seeing you like this," my ball of sun whispered.

I swallowed, looking down. "I'm sorry..."

000

It's been a week since Himeko confronted me about my obvious sadness. She hadn't confronted me about it since, but she didn't have to, her glances said it all. They were still gentle and caring, but determination and concern also joined the mix. It was like every time she looked at me, she was asking me to tell her the truth, and it was killing me inside.

Letting go of the arrow, the thump as it hit the target resonated through the empty archery range. It was after hours and I decided to stay to clear my mind. It wasn't really working and my skills were worsening with each day, I was lucky to hit the bulls eye these days.

The sound of footsteps approaching didn't surprise me, it wasn't rare for Himeko to come get me if I took too long. Nor was it rare for some fan girl to come confess to me when I was alone.

"And here I thought you were perfect," a female voice mused. That was not a very familiar voice. Looking over my shoulder, Makoto Saotome stood there with her arms crossed. Now that was rare, Saotome was Himeko's roommate and other best friend. We had never truly liked each other, for different reasons of course. She didn't like me because she thought that I was toying with Himeko's feelings by being her friend, and I didn't like her because she was allowed to live with Himeko. Both petty reasons really.

"I never said I was perfect," I told her monotonously. Ignoring her presence I grabbed another arrow, setting it into place.

"I suppose not," she said with indifference. Expecting her to leave I lined up my arrow with the target. "When are you going to tell Himeko you feelings?" That wasn't expected, the arrow slipped from my fingers missing the target completely.

For once I was glad that my back was to her, I was sure that the shock was apparent on my face. Composing myself quickly I replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't," she said doubtfully. "Look just confess and move on. Your making Himeko sad by being all gloomy." Those were her final words as she walked away.

'Your making Himeko sad...' Rang in my head over and over. My heart clench painfully, I didn't want Himeko sad yet I was the one causing it. Something had to be done, and soon.

000

"What?" Himeko asked with wide eyes.

"I want you to go out with Souma Oogami, I know with certainty that he likes you," even as the words slipped from my lips, my heart protested with a vengeance.

"But..." she was speechless, not knowing what to say and I could see it in her eyes.

"He'll be here in two hours for your date," I told her trying to keep any emotions from my eyes or voice, she would be able to see the truth if I let it.

"You told him I said yes?" Her voice may have been soft, but the fire that burned in her eyes told me she was angry with what I did. A lump rose in my throat, it wasn't as powerful as seeing her sad, but her anger towards me still had power.

"He wouldn't be coming if I told him no," I countered. "We should get you something to wear," I told her, walking towards my door. We were currently in my room studying.

"Why would you do this?" Himeko's voice rose as my hand settled on the doorknob.

"I thought you liked him," it was a lie, she stopped liking him a month before I realized my feelings.

"What if I don't like him anymore?" She was challenging me.

My heart jumped for joy at her obvious disapproval, but my mind disapproved it at the same time. "You liked him before, I'm sure it'll be easy to start liking him again."

"What if I like someone else?" The certainty in her voice made my heart drop. My eyes stung with the knowledge, this was what I wanted wasn't it? For her to like someone, if she did then she would be blind to my sadness. Oddly just because it was what I wanted, it didn't stop my heart from tearing apart.

"Is it someone I know?" I had to know, to know if he deserved Himeko's love.

"...yes," her response was soft with nervousness behind it.

Did she not want me to know who it was? "You should ask him out," I told her, my hand tightening on the doorknob with the strength it took to mutters those words, words that would take Himeko away from me. Realization was dawning in me, and the utter defeat I felt was one of it's kind with it's intensity. My hand slipped from the doorknob and my shoulders slumped.

The stinging in my eyes was too much and warm trails of tears ran down my cheeks. I had to get out of here, go somewhere alone and cry. My hand reached back up and turned the doorknob. The door was only halfway open before I felt hands grab two fistfuls of my shirt.

"Then...will you go out with me?" Himeko asked, tenderness and nervousness in her voice.

I'd heard wrong hadn't I? But even so my heart jump started, thumping wildly in my chest. Even my cheeks began to warm. "What?" I croaked out, I had imagined her question hadn't I?

"Will you go out with me Chikane-chan?" Her voice was firmer and more determined, but still held the same amount of tenderness in it.

"This can't be happening..." I whispered, my body betraying me by letting lose tears of happiness. But even so I couldn't let this happen, she would be hurt by being in a relationship with me. "I'm sorry Himeko, but I don't feel the same."

I took one step towards the open door when a firm hand spun me around. I looked at Himeko in surprise and gulped at the fire in her eyes. It was so much stronger then anything I've seen in her amethyst eyes, it burned without a chance of being put out. "You're lying," she said, the certainty of the statement breaking myself from trying to believe my own lie.

Still, I had to try. "No I'm not."

"Yes you are," Himeko's voice became gentle, and her face grew closer. "You're lying to me Chikane-chan, I can see it in your eyes. You do feel the same," she whispered, her warm breath wafting onto my lips.

I was frozen, my pounding heartbeat letting itself be known with it's intensity. She was coming closer with each second, I tried desperately bring my hands up to push her away, everything I had worked towards would be lost.

I never got my hands up.

Her lips touched mine, and my chest exploded with warmth. Every wall and barrier I put on my emotions for Himeko breaking down. I could feel the warmth spreading onto my cheeks, and for once I didn't care. My body reacted automatically, my arms wrapping around her to pull her closer and my eyes closing, too heavy to stay open any longer.

Her lips were softer then anything I could have imagined, even during those times that my resolved had weakened and I allowed myself to indulge in the possibility of us together. Seconds felt like hours, and all too soon we were pulling away from each other for the oxygen that our bodies needed to live.

"I love you," she whispered, she didn't even had to say it, it shone brightly in her eyes. Eyes that promised love and devotion, eyes that I wanted to see forever.

"I love you too," I wondered if I was doing the right thing, but the happiness that bloomed in her eyes and face destroyed that thought.

I don't know how things were going to be from now, but deep within those eyes that looked at me with love, was saying everything was going to be okay. And for once I believed that it would.


End file.
